When Life Gives You Lemons, Smear Them All Up In Your Pits

The first all natural trial is deodorant. According to Wikipedia, deodorant is defined as:

“substances applied to the body to affect body odor caused by bacterial growth and the smell associated with bacterial breakdown of perspiration in armpits, feet and other areas of the body. A subgroup of deodorants, antiperspirants, affect odor as well as prevent sweating by affecting sweat glands.”

It also says the first commercial deodorant was created in the late 1800s. So before that… holy shit.

To give you an idea of what my deodorant is up against… It is summer here in Chicago. I ride the bus and/or the EL daily. So the embarrassment threshold, if there is any amount of failure, is quite vast. I work out a few times a week and I will be sure to run and go for a long hike in Wisconsin this week to really test this alternative.

Per recent internet research (hippie and black magic sites), the all natural, organic alternative I am going to try is….. lemons. FML. I am going to cut a slice of a lemon each morning, cut that slice in half, and use that as my day’s protection between a neutral smell and Robert Downey Jr circa 1996.

Personal Background

Products: For a few years now I have used Mitchum solid unscented. I have deviated at times to an ‘all natural’ deodorant you can find at Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s. The Mitchum is my go-to bc it seems to do the trick well enough. However, it can create a smell that is not BO. It’s almost as if its drawing something out of my body that is unnatural (the reaction my body has to David Beckham), or creating a reaction in my pits.  

BO Factor: I do not consider myself a ‘smelly’ guy. I understand most smelly guys are unaware they are the smelly guy, but I feel like the girlfriends I have had in the past were very honest, and if I stunk, they would tell me. Believe me, these bitches didn’t pull any punches. If I stunk, I was the 2^nd person to know. The Whole Foods/Trader Joes products seemed to only accelerate my BO from the point of application, not to mention the product’s unpleasant feel and scent on its own. The mitchum seems to tame the sweating and smell when called upon.

Body Hair: I should mention that I manscape. I am not outrageous. There are no geometric shapes or patterns. I only trim so it is clean and groomed, and that goes for my whole body…… lllllladies. I mention this to note that the lemon will be reacting mostly with my pit skin, not my pit hair.

This trial starts tomorrow. I am not sure if or how I should prepare for this.